Ants in their pants

What is it with children and their inability to sit still? In fact, treatment not even just sitting still, but bending and flopping their bodies in to positions that a contortionist would envy, particularly whilst at a table in a restaurant, or in the waiting room of the doctors surgery or on a train? They seem perfectly capable of sitting in one spot when armed with an iPad, DS, a parents phone or some other gadget that they can zone into, but sitting still and nicely in one place without this equipment is nigh on impossible. Take last week, out for lunch, lovely little booth, big enough for six never mind just us four, and yet Super Daddy and I end up hanging off the edge whilst the Princess and the Monster wriggle and wiggle and bend and flop for Scotland. Despite the ticking off they each got on numerous occasions their little bodies still twisted and manoeuvred into unimaginable positions. Under the table, bent right backwards, head flopping on the table, back under the table, hanging over the back of the booth, bounce, bounce, bounce.

At one point, I turned to ask the monster what drink he would like, turned back and told the waitress and when I turned back to the monster immediately afterwards, he had in some stealth move taken his blue stripy welly boot off his foot and put it on his hand like a puppet and was waving it round his head like a helicopter propeller.

It’s not that mine are badly behaved and can’t take a telling (well, in part it is!) I took a look around the restaurant at lunch; one small boy was continually stabbing his dad in the thigh with his foam pirate sword whilst his dad continued to engage with the waiter about how delicious their meal was what swatting his sons arm away like an annoying fly. A beautifully face painted butterfly girl, had a slight bounce going on which lasted for the duration of our meal.
Could you imagine if grownups adopter a similar style? Enquiring about the time of the next train whilst sliding to the left, then the right followed by a mini pirouette; ordering the soup of the day and a Brie and bacon Panini whilst slipping under the restaurant table like a cut out paper doll gliding to the floor. Imagine the dentists’ waiting room, grown men bouncing on their seats with their shoes on their hands, old ladies sitting backwards on their seats and lassoing their hand bags round their heads?

Yet the little people get away with it.

Watch the next time you’re out and about, you’ll see ‘can’tsitproperlyonmybumitus’ is rife in the under sevens.


Red Car!

With school holidays and half term upon us, ask you might be about to embark on a long car journey’s to reach your chosen holiday destination.  Here are some helpful pointers to ensure the nippers are entertained and your sanity is retained.

  1.  Before even getting into the car, hospital ensure everyone has had a wee (fresh nappy change for those in nappies too!)  Peeing at the side of the M6 is not a pleasant experience and a coin toss is needed to decide whether it’s mum or dad who needs to get out in the pouring rain AND risk getting peed on by the child responsible for such poor bladder control.
  2.  Pack up a handy bag of healthy snacks – raisins, bananas, small bottles of water, little cubes of cheese, and oatcakes are highly recommended.  M&S Percy Pigs, chocolate buttons, marshmallows, fruit pastilles and blackcurrant squash should be kept for arrival at your destination.  Take it from one who knows.
  3. Magazines with stickers are always a winner in the entertainment stakes.  Do be prepared however upon arrival at your destination to find the inside of the doors have been decorated with brightly coloured and difficult to remove Peppa Pig stickers.  A soft, wet cloth and an hour and a half of vigorous scrubbing will do the trick.
  4. Story CD’s – an old fashioned alternative to the in-car DVD entertainment system perhaps, but avoids the pitfalls associated with reading in the car (motion sickness and see point 3 above), and anyway who doesn’t love The Gruffalo on a loop?
  5. Baby wipes are an essential, and will play a massive part in your in-car experience.
    1. Wiping poo and pee bums whilst on route
    2. Wiping sticky fingers arising from snackage (less so if healthy bite are opted for!)
    3. Wiping stickers off the inside of the car door when the soft wet cloth and hour and a half of vigorous scrubbing hasn’t worked.
    4. Wiping CD’s when they start to jump after being played consecutively for 17 times.
  6. The red car game – always a winner. There are no rules. Invented by LPP and LMB, this game involves nothing more than randomly shouting out  any of the following when spotted on the journey:
    1. Red Car (hence the name!)
    2. Van
    3. Taxi
    4. Bus
    5. Bicycle
    6. Motorbike
    7. Caravan
    8. Dumper Truck
    9. Lorry
    10. Cows

Happy Travels!


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