Say what? The things mums say.

Did you brush your teeth?
You missed a bit. Is it jam?
Pick the towel up off the floor please.
Can someone switch that tap off.
The money for your school trip is in your bag.
No, ed your school bag.
In an envelope that says ‘school trip money’
No you can’t have a chocolate egg you’ve just eaten breakfast.
We’re leaving after Peppa.
Shoes on please.
There are no strawberries.
How did those shoes get so filthy?
Shoes off please until I clean them.
I’ve not see your cow. Isn’t it in the farm box?
Why would I take it to work?
I don’t have your cow. I promise.
We’re leaving after THIS Peppa.
Here you go, put your shoes back on.
I’m just putting bags in the car.
What’s going in in here? Can I not leave you for a minute?!
Pick the popcorn up.
We’ll have some after lunch.
No, it’s not lunch time yet.
I don’t know what’s for dinner yet, you’ve just ate breakfast.
Don’t drink your sisters milk.
She doesn’t have germs, she just needs to drink her own milk so we can leave.
Switch off the tv.
Put your cup by the sink.
Two hands please. Careful!
Walkings not boring. It’s good for you.
Go in the buggy then.
Are you going in the buggy?
You just got in the buggy! I thought walking was boring?.
Watch the puddle.
Walk round the puddle.
ROUND the puddle not through the middle.
It’s in your bag. Envelope says ‘school trip money’
Why didn’t you go before we left the house?
You’ll just have to wait.
Macaroni Cheese.
You liked it last week.
I’m not joking.
Shoes off please.
Don’t leave them there.
Where they always go.
Put. Your. Shoes. In. The. Box.
What do you mean ‘you broke the radiator?’
Sit nicely, feet off the sofa.
Did you do your maths homework?
Bring me your book.
Excellent reading. Stop chewing your plaits.
No, you can’t play a game on my phone.
Why is your cardigan screwed up in a ball in your bag?
Put it in your wardrobe.
It’s not dirty.
That’s dirty, pick it up and put it in the wash basket.
Wear the grey one instead.
You’ll freeze, it’s bitter out there.
Cold. Very cold.
Give me a kiss. Love you.
Close the door.
Don’t run. Walk please. WALK IN THE HOUSE PLEASE.
Choose a banana instead.
I’ll think about it.
If you eat your dinner.
I said I’d think about it.
Slow down and tell me again.
Who is ‘she?’ that’s your sister you’re talking about.
Sometimes things aren’t fair.
I don’t care who started it. Cut it out.
Use your fork please.
Use your fork.
Careful you don’t spill….
Don’t worry, here’s a cloth.
Three more bites.
Another one.
I’m still thinking about it.
Don’t call from the other room. Come here so I can hear you.
Yes, that’s fine.
Yes, really.
Go, before I change my mind.
Where’s my phone?
Who has my phone?
Ask Daddy.
Put it in the wash basket.
Underneath the towel on the bathroom floor.
Guys! Stop that, it’s dangerous.
It means someone could get hurt.
Again? You are always hungry.
You’ve never tried it.
It’s good for you.
No, that’s bad for you.
Because I said so.
Did Daddy wash your hair last night?
With what?
The green bottle? I thought it looked greasy.
Close your eyes then and it won’t sting.
Right, scrub til they are gleaming.
Yes, very good. Shiny.
It doesn’t need a plaster. I can’t really see it.
He was last on your sisters bed.
Have you seen the Dinosaur?
Stop it!
I said Stop it!
It doesn’t smell.
Cuddle up here then. Move over.
I’ll sit in the middle. Save any fighting.
We did your book first last night.
Well, ask Daddy instead.
Don’t make me count to five.
Fine, but move over.
Stop picking it.
It’s fine.
Right, go wash your hands. I told you to leave it.
Here, give me a cuddle.
It’s fine.
I love you.
Put your book away.
In the bookcase.
You’ll slip on it.
I love you.
Ask Daddy in the morning.
Ready Brek?
Well see how you feel in the morning.
Five more minutes.
Sweet dreams cherub.
Who’s up?
Just remember to flush.
Get back to bed.
UNDER the duvet.
I’ll leave it open a little.
Back to bed.
Sweet dreams.
Did you hear him snoring?
She’s out for the count.
Angelic girl.

Pants, Pancakes and Parenting.

Little Princess Pink requested homemade pancakes for breakfast this morning. A perfectly accpetable request on Shrove Tuesday, doctor and of course, treatment when that starts falling on a Saturday or a Sunday I will happily oblige. This morning however, good old shop bought Kingsmill had to do.  They needed to be used by today anyway. On the first day back at school after half term, on a morning where I’ve spent the best part of 45 minutes chasing Little Monster Blue round the entire upstairs  trying to get him to put on pants, homemade pancakes will have to wait.

As a working parent, I’m honest about my (many) parenting flaws – I take a lot of shortcuts.  Shop bought pancakes for breakfast, well, I reconcile easily with that one. My own efforts always turn out less than desireable, and a little more ‘chargrilled’ than perhaps they should be, and frankly I have little time in the mornings to do anything further than peel a banana , open a cereal bar wrapper or dispense slices of toast on route to the car.

Potty training, however, thats a different story.

Little Monster Blue is approaching his thrid birthday and his move to the pre-school within nursery is drawing ever closer, ergo he needs to be toilet trained.  Or so someone said.  Yes, yes, I hear that boys are more diffcult that girls to toilet train, and other than a few messy incidents whilst in the care of Super Daddy I’m happy to say, Little Princess Pink was a breeze when it came to all things toilet related.  Little Monster Blue not so much.  This is our second attempt in a number of months, and on this occassion, I am happily passing the baton to the nursery team who are more than willing  to take on The Great Splash Adventurer.  Yesterday we received just two wet packages home.  Not bad going on the face of it, but I’m not convinced it was a day of successes given those were his only two wees and he saved his last for the moment I plopped him in the bath. At least he was happy enough to wear the pants. Today, well, see above, we’ve already had a challenge in trying to cajole him into a pair.  I thought pointing out my stripey ones with the little red bow would be encouraging. Apparently not.

So I admit, after an unsuccessful go at potty training last time round, I’m conceding defeat easily and taking the parenting shortcut of having someone else give it a go for me. Same on the pancakes this morning.

I’ll stick to what I know I can do best today.Properly dispensed cuddles and kisses at the school gates and nursery door, and a mammoth washing cycle this evening no doubt.


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